My hands were trembling as I went up to the podium to deliver my speech. It was my first Toastmasters speech. They call it an Icebreaker speech, since the topic of the speech is everyone’s favorite topic: themselves. I was nervous because I did something unusual for my speech, and I wasn’t sure how the audience would react.

If you don’t know, Toastmasters is a public speaking club. There are around 20 people in a club, and each week a few people give prepared speeches, and then others give them feedback. There’s also an impromptu speaking segment called Table Topics. These clubs can be found around the world, and the oldest have been running since 1924. I joined to work on my social skills and speaking skills. I have noticed I’m not that good at putting my ideas into words verbally, so I joined to remedy that.

Faced with having to write a speech about myself, there were two ways I could have gone. One was the “school assignment” approach. Think of some shallow information about me (I have a peanut allergy; I once traveled to Costa Rica; I like to play roguelike video games), and then bundle it into a dull information-dump. I didn’t think other people would want to listen to that, and it’s not even what I’d really want to say. It’s not what my life is about.

Instead, I decided to speak from the heart. To talk about some of the real challenges I’ve faced in my life, and the things that make me different from other people. This meant my speech would be personal, and I worried how the other Toastmasters might react. Too personal, and I risked “trauma-dumping” on them. Still, it was better to try to strike that balance than to write a speech so bland I wouldn’t even want to put in the effort to memorize it.

In the end, everyone liked it. They loved it, actually, to my relief. My authenticity resonated with people. People are often afraid to be too authentic, but I think it kind of gives everyone else permission to be real, too. So people tend to like it. People won’t judge you for having struggled in your past, especially not if it’s stuff that’s in the past, and not ongoing. By making my speech personal, I was able to take the audience through some of the ups and downs of my life, and string it all together into a coherent narrative and lesson that’s maybe a little bit neater than the reality of my life has actually been, but still genuine enough for people to get to know the real me.

Everyone’s feedback was great. The practical value of feedback is obvious. I got the same feedback from everyone (besides that they loved the speech): I should increase my “vocal variety”. That is, I shouldn’t be so monotone. This is already a problem I was aware of, and this is the advice they gave me after listening to a speech where I was trying not to be so monotone! Anyway, there was value to the feedback beyond just the practical. Feedback is emotional. I’m going to keep all the little slips of paper with people’s feedback on it. They feel special. Somehow, being told I need to work on my vocal variety by someone else has more impact than telling myself the same thing. And being told my speech was great and what they liked about it is also nice.

My girlfriend (who featured in my speech, and cried when I read it to her) said that I have good qualities, but I’m usually hiding at home, rather than putting myself out there. She says the feedback is proof that I have things to offer the world. That I have value. I believe that, but sometimes I don’t feel it. Yesterday, the welcoming, kind people of my local Toastmasters club made me feel it.

So, speak from your heart. You’ll be putting yourself out there, but your heart should not be kept hidden.

(I’m not gonna include my speech with this post. I was comfortable sharing it with a room of strangers, knowing most of the details would be quickly forgotten, but I’m not really comfortable engraving it into the internet forever.)

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