Writing is hard because I don’t know who I am or how I’m supposed to sound. Every woman moans in bed the way women in their culture moan. Is there a “human” way to moan, stripped of all culture? I feel like it’d just be an awkward grunting noise, if anything.

Everything is an affectation. I’m trying to impress you. I’m trying to be seen as someone who doesn’t care if he impresses you. I’m someone who’s trying to be seen as someone who doesn’t care how he’s seen. Whatever. No matter what I do, I’m making a choice. There isn’t some way I can not make the choice and just be my natural self. No way except, maybe, by writing a few million words. Eventually the affectations will grow exhausting and fall away, and what will be left will be “my voice”.

What happens if that voice sucks though? Maybe you should have spent those millions of words crafting a highly entertaining voice that isn’t your own instead? But then, what fun is there in that? People will cheer, but not for you. For the voice you’ve created, the voice you control but isn’t yours. And you will never learn what you sound like, deep down. You’ll never learn who you are when the words and thoughts of other people have been stripped away.

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